Fall in

IMG_3755Where did the last month go? Between moving into a new house and a super busy period at work, I blinked and it was suddenly October. September came and went without a blog post, and we have barely begun our to-do list of projects around the house. I’m a person who loves to revel in the moment; apparently, reading Our Town in grade school really got through to me.

Autumn is my absolute fave season, which I realize sounds like shit girls say. I love the cooler weather, the transition into sweaters and boots, the excuse to stay home and cuddle on the couch watching graphically violent horror movies I’m not usually interested in during the rest of the year. I love Halloween and decorative gourds, cider and pumpkin pie, the changing of the leaves and daydrinking while watching football.

Autumn is such a fleeting season, often squeezed out by Indian summers and/or early snowfalls, so I want to enjoy every minute of it this year. I want to go to a haunted house and spend $20 to be chased by a community theater actor with a chainsaw. I want to eat pumpkin flavored products until I look like the Great Pumpkin from Charlie Brown. I want to drink hot apple cider while wrapped up in a Pendleton blanket while Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon” plays softly in the background. I want to watch Sleepy Hollow, a moderately entertaining television show that I’m amazed exists considering its ridiculous premise of Ichabod Crane solving supernatural mysteries in the present day. Or Hocus Pocus, a Bette Midler vehicle that benefits heavily from my generation’s nostalgia for movies from our childhood that are actually not that great.

This year has been flying by at an astonishing speed, with more Major Life Events in one 12-month period than I’ve ever experienced before. I want to grab onto Time like the reins on a runaway horse, dig my heels into the ground, and make everything slow down. I want to wrap it in my Pendleton blanket, cuddle it, and just make it relax for a second. I don’t want to miss anything.

Adventures in Moving

This weekend, my dude and I finally said goodbye to our 2-bedroom that we’ve called home together for the last 6 years. We were ready for more space, a yard for our dog to play in, and a new neighborhood.

I always thought that moving was the worst, but it’s not. Moving during a torrential downpour is the worst.

The day had started out hot and sunny, and our movers showed up early, giving our big day a huge jumpstart. We thought we’d be in great shape, get everything done before the evening when we could kick back in our new living room and enjoy a glass of wine with our feet up.

The day’s complications started soon after the move began when I had to take one of our two cats, Ginger Spice, to the vet for an impromptu appointment; she was peeing wherever she pleased, like me in college. Then, after every single item we owned had been stacked inside a truck, the sky started turning an ominous dark gray. We drove to the new house watching the clouds nervously. As we parked on our new street and raced up the front path, rain became to pour. At the front door, Kurt couldn’t get the keys to work, so we sprinted like mad around to the back through the side gate. I didn’t get carried over the threshold of our first house; instead, I got soaking wet while holding a bag of hot dogs and standing behind my husband as he swore at a doorknob.

After finally getting inside through the kitchen, we went out to meet the movers at the garage. By this point, the sky had opened up into a full-blown thunderstorm. Rain flooded up over the curbs and turned streets into rivers. I had just enough time to scarf down a hot dog and then I had to head back out into the storm to pick up the cat from the vet before they closed.

I navigated the car through the pounding rain, windshield wipers swishing at the highest possible speed. I don’t know what it is, because sometimes the simplest chore like carrying groceries up three flights of stairs makes me just want to give up on life, but something about an extreme situation stirs something inside that urges me to rise to the challenge. Maybe it was my childhood spent devouring Laura Ingalls Wilder books about brutal winters and fording rushing rivers in an ox-wagon, but when Mother Nature rears up, I feel inspired to lean forward and shoulder my way through. So I gritted my teeth, braced myself, and steered that Subaru Forester through driving rain so I could pick up my cat and pay a big fat vet bill, just like the pioneers did.

After I had picked up Ginger and secured the drugged-up cat in the backseat, I swung back by the old apartment to pick up the second cat, Esteban, still quivering in fear behind the washing machine from the commotion of the movers. I pried him out but quickly realized that the movers had taken the second cat carrier to the new house, so I turned the Ginger loose in the car and used her carrier to haul Esteban out of the house. The rain had finally slowed to a light drizzle. Esteban yowled and hissed in protest from inside the carrier. Ginger, high as a kite from the vet appointment, wandered freely around the car, peering out windows and attempting to climb me. With a flame-point Siamese sitting in my lap while driving, I was now less brave pioneer and more Gabor sister.

Finally, we reached the new house. The sky had brightened and the movers were just finishing up unloading the truck. Kurt helped me carry the cats inside. When the movers pulled away in their empty trunk, we settled on the couch, our sole piece of furniture available to sit on, surrounded by piles of soggy cardboard boxes. Finally, we were home. And our house is a very very fine house indeed. Just watch out for those two cats in the yard, because one of them is high on drugs.

 

Never Standing Still

If you’ve visited this blog before, you may have noticed that the tag line has changed. The old one (which I loved) was “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard because I use those old-timey frosty mugs.” (Back in the height of my karaoke-ing days, “Milkshake” was my go-to closer for the night.) However, as I recently began blogging on this site again, I want to have a clearer focus of what I plan to write about here. This has been an incredibly eventful year for me personally (new job, got married, traveled, became a homeowner) and I’d like to start documenting these experiences for friends and family to read about. Also, I have a tendency to take on multiple pursuits at a time (roller derby, Crossfit, yoga, maybe even a big project that I may or may not be procrastinating on). In summary, I’m pretty bad at staying still. You know, #YOLO and such.

Ironically, my hair is currently too short to put up in a ponytail.

Hello again…

It has been a long time since I’ve written on this blog. For the last 10 months or so, I’ve been a regular contributor to the literary blog Drinkers With Writing Problems. While I am still an active member of the group, lately I’ve been itching to return to Ponytail Up; however, I wasn’t totally sure what focus I wanted this blog to take. I have decided that I will continue to post fictional and conceptual work at DWWP, while I will use my this blog to write more personal stuff–streams of consciousness, opinions, and stories from my own life. There will be lots of words and not a lot of pictures. I don’t guarantee beginnings/middles/endings. We’ll see how this goes.

Right now, I am sitting in an airport waiting for my flight which is delayed by nearly 2 hours. I have been on an extremely short business trip in Atlanta that is only meant to be 24 hours long. Last night, I exited the plane and saw on the first TV screen that I passed that Robin Williams was dead of apparent suicide. Like so many other people on the facebooks and twitters have commented, this celebrity death has hit me harder than most deaths of famous strangers. When I was a kid, during the summer my siblings and I would spend the hottest part of the summer sleeping in the basement in the cool subterranean darkness. Sprawled out on couch cushions and sheets, we would watch Nick at Nite with the ceiling lights turned off, bathing in the black & white flicker of The Patty Duke Show or The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. Our absolute favorite was Mork & Mindy; I can remember laughing and trying to force ourselves to stay awake well beyond our usual bedtime to see Mork’s manic streams of jokes. As we grew older, we accumulated even more favorites among Williams’s work: Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire, Jumanji. In college, Good Will Hunting was my #1 jam. I am thankful to him for all of the beautiful memories he has given me, and am saddened that his life ended in such deep unhappiness.

There are countless think pieces on suicide, depression, and loneliness currently circulating on social media, and I am glad that at least one positive thing to come out of this tragedy is that people are remembering to tell others that they love them and that they are there for those that may need help.

I am incredibly thankful that I so rarely feel alone and that I have such amazing love in my life. I know that I am lucky and I cherish the people I care about. At my old job, I would travel more often for work and for longer periods of time, and I can remember the loneliness I felt at being physically separated from my family. I’m sure that most people who travel for business feel the same when they are away from their loved ones, unless you’re a hardcore loner or George Clooney in the first half of Up in the Air. When I am in a different place than my husband, I feel highly aware of just how big a chunk of Earth separates us. I worry that if some sort of worldwide disaster were to hit, we wouldn’t be together (I’ve always been more prone to anxiety). Each additional minute of delayed flight pushes our reunion further away, and I want to shake my fist at the aviation gods for holding my plane hostage at whatever small commuter airport it’s currently stuck at. For now, I must sit here with my headphones and laptop, The National streaming into my ears in place of my husband’s laugh. And when I finally get home sometime tonight, I will hug him and tell him that I love him.

Not Here to Make Friends

Reasons why I may not like you:

  • You cross the street against the green left turn signal.
  • At Asian restaurants, you will only order the pad thai, every single time.
  • You’re a child who earnestly belts out showtunes. Every time I see a young child actor sincerely warble “bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun…..” I want to glimpse the future where 20 years of working in a cubicle has totally broken their spirit.

6 Months Later

It has been 6 months since my knee surgery. I’m not quite at 100%–no running, no Crossfit, no mechanical bulls–but I can take my dog on decently long walks, or spend a night at the bar mingling on my feet instead of being propped up on a stool. I am still a regular at physical therapy and by now an expert of the favorite foods and TV shows of most of the staff. My file is about as thick as a young adult novel. Overall, I feel pretty great.

Back when I was on crutches and miserable, people would often say to me things along the lines of “Before you know it, you’ll be back on your feet and forget how bad it ever was.” I am definitely back on my feet, but I still remember quite vividly how much I hated being stuck at home, feeling broken and helpless like a caged zoo animal. That’s not necessarily a bad thing–in fact, it reminds me to constantly appreciate everything I have and am capable of. While I hopefully never have to go through something like that again, it gave me a new perspective on time and how fleeting it truly is. In another month, I am turning 34 so it’s about time I finally decide what I want to be when I grow up, even if that means going back to school for awhile. I want to go camping every month. Most of all, I am super excited for an upcoming trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, where we are renting a cabin with some friends for a long weekend. It’ll be my first vacation since my surgery, and I cannot wait. We plan to try white water rafting, which will be a first for me. Though really, everything with a ‘new’ knee is a first all over again. I like that.

Who, me?

This morning, after brushing the snow off the windshield of my car I caught a glimpse of a folded piece of paper stuck under my wiper blade. I opened it up and read the following message: “You should know that you park like a bitch, a bitch, That’s right a bitch!”

Like a what? One more time please.

Like a what? One more time please.

My reaction was equal parts confusion, annoyance, and amusement. I do not deny that at times in my life I have indeed parked like a bitch. This particular day, however, I was in the last spot before the Burger King entrance, a perfectly acceptable parking job with adequate but not ample room between my front bumper and the car in front of me, appropriately hugging the curb. I could see no reason for complaint, let alone getting called a bitch not once, not twice, but thrice.

The note was scrawled in pencil on a piece of paper obviously torn from a college-ruled notebook; its author may have been a scholar but is no gentleman. Interestingly, the message has almost a sing-songy cadence to it. Perhaps it was left by a musical theater major–someone who just lost out on a coveted role in their school’s production of Into the Woods might be disgruntled enough to leave a note like this on an unsuspecting Ford Focus. Also, who besides a student carries a pencil on them? I guess it could have been a police sketch artist, golf caddy, or Pictionary enthusiast.

After the initial wave of indignant anger passed, I just felt bad for this person and their lack of creativity. What does “park like a bitch” even mean? They could have said “You park like a person with poor spatial intelligence” and gotten their point across more clearly. (And get a pen like a normal grown adult, you weirdo.) There is so much negativity already in the world that it doesn’t do anyone any good to perpetuate it further. Let’s right this ship. Maybe I will start leaving random notes on peoples’ cars like “You parked excellently today. Well done!” Or even better: “You should know that you park Like a Boss, a Boss, THAT’S RIGHT A BOSS!”

And While We’re At It, Get Off My Lawn

Hearing the headliner announcements for this summer’s Pitchfork Music Fest has gotten me all excited about festival season. I haven’t been to a concert since before my knee surgery. I can remember being at a show at the Metro fairly recently where a mosh pit broke out (yes, it’s still a thing). At this point in life, I’m about 10 years and a knee injury beyond moshing. At most, I am OK with a light jostle, but the idea of being pushed into sweaty, shirtless dudes who smell like dirty laundry and Cheeto feet totally grosses me out. When a crowd surges forward, I rush backwards like Marty McFly avoiding the Rolls-Royce. At about this point, I decided that the only way to deal with the crowd was to get so drunk that nothing bothered me anymore. This is how I discovered that I can pass out standing up, which must be how drunk racehorses sleep. The downside to this is that I missed a sweet encore, but at least I didn’t have to watch it from inside some dude’s armpit.

Whooping It Up

It’s officially cold and flu season, suckas. Throughout my 20’s, I used to make it through each winter untouched by whatever plague that was going around, thanks to a freakishly strong immune system (or my bloodstream was too diluted with PBR to be a hospitable environment to viruses). However, at some point the tides turned and whatever human firewall I had that kept the germs at bay quit on me, and I started getting sick just like normal people.

A couple of years ago I caught whooping cough, which was really surprising because I had no idea that I was a 19th century British orphan. I woke up one day feeling a little achy and sluggish, but tried not to think about it because I had to catch a plane to San Diego for a business trip. As the week went on, I started feeling progressively worse and developed a cough that kept me awake all night. Thinking that it was just a really bad cold, I dosed myself with Dayquil and toughed out the week. I visited the doctor when I got back home, who tested me for  pertussis, a.k.a. whooping cough “just in case.” To both of our surprise, I tested positive. To the dismay of the Center of Disease Control, I had exposed a full airplane load of people to my communicable illness. I received a series of phone calls from the CDC for my flight and seat number so they could warn my seat mates to get tested, making me feel like the first person to die in a zombie movie. Not only that, near the end of my trip I had convinced myself I was feeling better (this was before my diagnosis when I still thought it was just a cold) so I visited the San Diego Zoo. If I got a panda sick I couldn’t live with myself. Oh, and those 700+ people at the conference to whom I personally handed registration materials–whoops.

Thankfully, no one else that I knew of caught my totally retro illness and the CDC decided I wasn’t contagious anymore, reversing their original request for me to wear a medical mask on my next work trip to Seattle the following weekend. I breathed a (congested) sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to travel looking like a Michael Jackson impersonator or a socially conscious Harajuku girl. However, it did make me realize that us human beings are pretty much just walking bags of bacteria, spreading our nasty germs to each other via elevator buttons, hotel remotes, or that bowl of mints that you are NEVER SUPPOSED TO EAT FROM, GAH-ROSS!!! And from now on, I will always get my flu shot.

What Up Dog

river

Back in August, we adopted our dog River (my first canine pet ever). We got her from a local rescue group, so I can feel like a Good Person the way vegans and Prius drivers do. After just a few short months, I am totally in love with her. While at work, I daydream about being at home on the couch watching Planet Earth documentaries with River curled up at my side growling at the polar bears.

The other day, I left the office still focused on work issues to the point of distraction. While driving home I was so preoccupied that I missed my exit and completely ran a red light. But once I clipped on River’s leash and took her outside, everything work-related left my brain. I found myself instantly relaxed, thinking only of the things she was thinking about: the unseasonably springlike weather, the fresh air, the excited yips from other dogs lunging at the ends of their leashes eagerly greeting us.

Her quirks mystify us. She’s terrified of her own brush, pees at the sight of her harness, and quivers in fear when we watch The Dark Knight Rises. On the flip side, she shows no fear of thunderstorms, fireworks, or gunshots. If we forget to close the gate to the ‘cat room,’ she runs in and treats herself to goodies from the litter box, making her quite literally a turdburglar.

She is goofy, awkward, stinky, and expensive to maintain, and I absolutely cannot wait to go home and see her again.