Happy New Year!
It’s a well known fact among my friends and family that I am a huge animal lover. We share our 750-square foot condo with three furry beasts: the cats, Ginger Spice and Esteban, and our most recent acquisition, a rescue dog named River. Sometimes, I am pretty positive that they are aware that they outnumber the humans and are totally ganging up on us.
Case in point: last Wednesday, I got home from work with 40 minutes of relaxation time before I had to leave again for physical therapy. A strong smell hit me the second I walked into the apartment; Ginger had peed on the floor outside the litter box. As I mopped it up with paper towels, I noticed Esteban–a long-haired cat–scooting his butt along the counter in obvious discomfort. I picked him and was quickly hit with a second olfactory assault as I discovered a gigantic clump of poop stuck to his fluffy hindquarters. He meowed indignantly at me as I attempted to pull the clumps off with wet wipes, a poopy pile quickly forming in the garbage can. Not to be upstaged, Ginger acknowledged my transfer of attention to Esteban by promptly peeing on the floor AGAIN, in the same spot I had just cleaned. I sighed and went back for more paper towels. Once the floor had been sprayed and mopped for the second time, I finally sat down on the couch to rest until Esteban wandered into the room into my line of sight and vomited. The last of the paper towels soaked up the mess, at which point I left the house because I was out of cleaning supplies and a will to live.
(River did not participate in this particular episode, but she ate the arm of the couch down to the wood the previous day so she is no innocent.)
The next morning I went in to work an hour late because I had to take the long-haired cat to the vet to get his butt shaved, which is kind of the best excuse ever.
I’d been craving another tattoo ever since my knee surgery. After dealing with my injury, getting sliced open, and the long recovery process, I felt like I didn’t have any control over what was going on to one of my largest limbs. Getting tattooed was a way to own my body once again.
I crutched my way through the door of Deluxe Tattoo last Monday after work, and had Zach Stuka ink a caribou antler onto the inside of my right arm.
Did you know that female caribou grow antlers, unlike the females of other deer species? I love animal facts. Now I’m in the mood to be home, curled up on the couch watching Planet Earth with a cat purring in my lap.
The madness started many years ago, when my then-roommate began reading the Twilight books on recommendation by some co-workers and lent them to me afterward finishing. I blew through the first book, immediately hated it, and did not stop reading until I finished the last entry in the series, Breaking Dawn. I would sit in my car reading during my lunch break, so as not to be bothered and also to hide my shame. I immediately passed on the books to another friend, spreading the curse much like the VHS tape in The Ring. It was good to have friends to talk to about how much I despised the weak heroine Bella or Edward’s lack of personality traits beyond brooding and sparkling. It was like a support group for survivors of terribly written literature.
When the movies started coming out in theaters, we agreed to see them together, continuing our hate campaign. Together we suffered through each entry of the ‘saga’ yet again, reliving the sanitized romance through our eyeballs. Finally, the last installment, Breaking Dawn Part 2, arrived in theaters and we had reached the final stretch of our self-inflicted torture.
*Here be spoilers, so if you still plan on putting yourself through similar misery and don’t want to know how it all ends, take a detour to another route along the Information Superhighway.*
In the book version, the entire story builds up to a giant showdown between the Good Vampires (Bella, the Cullens, the werewolves and friends) against the Bad Vampires (the Italy-based Volturi). As a reader, you think that finally something interesting is going to happen and you’re going to get the awesome supernatural bad-ass war you’ve been waiting for this whole time. However, it all ends up a gigantic letdown, as the vampires, those deadly, be-fanged, bloodsucking demons, reach a solution by having a conversation and then they all go home and nobody dies or even gets hurt a little bit. WTF?? Obviously, this would make the worst movie ever.
Luckily, the director and screenwriter of the film version realized this as well, and also have a pretty wicked sense of humor. As the movie reached the big climactic scene, our audience full of Twihards thought they knew what they were about to see. And then, the sparkly shit hit the fan as the patriarch of the Cullen family, the beloved Carlysle, got DECAPITATED by an evil vampire. The theater filled with screams of shock and horror, and I literally LOLed. Finally! This series got good! The movie became an orgy of violence as vampires ripped each others’ heads off, werewolves ran around with limbs in their mouths, and even more fan favorites died onscreen in agony. “No!!!! But that didn’t happen in the book!!” shrieked countless fans, tears washing the glitter off their cheeks. It went on for what felt like 15 minutes, each shocking death drawing gasps of disbelief from the crowd. Then the main Bad Vampire, Aro, gets murderfied by Alice and Bella shoves a torch in his face, and the screen blinks and the movie reveals that IT WAS A VISION ALL ALONG, IT DIDN’T REALLY HAPPEN. It was the most elaborate fake-out of all time. We cheered, booed, and laughed as the realization that we just got mass punked dawned on us. Well played, movie producers, well played. It almost made suffering through the whole saga worth it.
Almost.
I am thankful for:
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
I am slowly working my way off my crutches. It’s taking longer than I expected, which can be frustrating, but at the same time I am noticing progress so I try not to get discouraged. Down to one crutch for most of the day, I can hobble short distances unassisted as long as my baby knee cartilage doesn’t get too painfully sore. Recovery is a long road without an express lane.
Since my surgery back in early September, I’ve been to two funerals and a wedding on crutches. I’ve attended birthday parties, propped up on a chair in the corner of a restaurant with people asking me if I need more drinks. I’ve returned to work and hobbled around the building I once speed-walked through on a daily basis. I’ve gone camping for a night. I’ve spent countless hours in physical therapy. I went to the late-night opening of a goddamn Twilight movie. In other words, life goes on.
Because recovery can be utterly depressing, I do my best to focus on all of the positives, no matter how small. There are countless good samaritans who go out of their way to open a door for you or give up their train seat (this experience has renewed my faith in humanity). I have the best excuse in the world to avoid Black Friday. And helllooooo, handicapped parking!
I yearn for the day I feel ‘normal’ again, but for now, I must learn to get used to my ‘new normal.’ This version of me can’t bust out a set of squats, do high kicks at the karaoke bar, or tear up the dance floor. On the other hand, my ‘new normal’ self has a reawakened appreciation for all of the little moments of the day where I can find peace and serenity–my dog nuzzling me with kisses, enjoying a beer around a campfire with my best friends on a perfect night, a random “I love you” text on a bad day at work. Life goes on, and so will I.
Sparkle on, you crazy vampires.
We went on the third annual Birthgiving cold camping trip (celebrating Thomas’s birthday), which always falls the weekend before Thanksgiving. The weather was a surprisingly mild 50 degrees during the day, dipping into the 30’s at night. Since I am still on crutches recovering from knee surgery, Kurt and I decided to drive up with River for just one night (as opposed to the typical 2 nights we usually spend at Kettle Moraine South). It turned out to be the perfect length of time, as my knee didn’t ache too badly and I was able to sit comfortably by the fire with everyone.
The Thanksgiving meal, as usual, was excellent, with an array of appetizers, entrees, and desserts. We enjoyed shepherd’s pie, vegetarian curry, sauerkraut with Neuske’s bacon, pumpkin cheesecake, and more, all washed down with plenty of New Glarus beer. As the sun set, we circled around the fire and played Cards Against Humanity until well after dark. The crisp air and warmth of the fire felt great on my knee, keeping it loose and limber while staving off soreness and swelling. River, always an enthusiastic camper, got to show off her new hoodie sweater and dig for tasty worms in the autumn leaves.
Sometimes I think I actually prefer the woods in late autumn, when the days are short and the bare tree branches are so stark against the sky. There’s something very peaceful and still about it. The animals are hibernating for the winter, the birds have all flown south. I like the feeling of transition as the world prepares for the winter months. Or maybe it just reminds me of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One. Either way, it’s one of my favorite trips of the year.
Storm Grouper
Boba Feta
Chocolate Chip Wookiees
Chewbaklava
Darth Taters
Leia O’Fish
Flan Solo
Anakintucky Fried Chicken
Eggs Palpatine
Aunt Beru-berry Pancakes
Womp Ratatouille
Halloween is a holiday dear to this theater geek’s heart. I adore planning, assembling, and wearing costumes. Here’s some photos of my costumes from the last several years.
2012
I needed to incorporate my crutch into my costume, so I decided to be Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol. God bless us, everyone!
2011
Cool Cat (from Community)
2010
Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks. “She’s dead, wrapped in plastic…”
2009
The killer bunny from Monty Python & The Holy Grail (Kurt went as the dead knight).
2008
Mozilla Firefox
2007
Disco Queen (Kurt is Mouth from The Goonies)
2006
Alice in Chains
2005
I was a roller derby girl (foreshadowing!) and Kurt was a baby.
2005
Chun-Li from Streetfighter
I wish I had digital photos of some of my favorite childhood costumes. Each fall, my mom would bring us kids to the fabric store, where we’d page through the patterns and pick out what we wanted to be for Halloween. She would sew amazing costumes for us that were always a hit at school. Some of my costumes included a rabbit, Care Bear (complete with big furry head!), and pioneer (during my Laura Ingalls Wilder phase.) I can definitely trace my love of costumes and dressing up to those early days, waking up so excited to put on my outfit for school and trick-or-treating.
Have a happy Halloween, everyone!
As I get closer to walking again, I am feeling much more upbeat and positive about my knee. It has been a long journey to this point and I’ve ridden a rollercoaster of emotions for the last 7 weeks. There’s still times when I think about how long it will be until I am fully ‘normal’, such as when I ask questions to my physical therapist like “When can I ride a mechanical bull?”
I really, really love riding mechanical bulls.
me on a mechanical bull in New Orleans
But this surgery will hopefully allow me to ride mechanical bulls well into my twilight years, and that is the most important part–that I will live a full and active life once I am recovered.
As someone who has spent such a large part of my life being physical–from roller derby to Crossfit to tearing up a dance floor whenever I get a chance–knee surgery has forced me to round out my life and focus on the smaller, more quiet moments. I won’t go back to hitting girls on skates after this, but I am really looking forward to being well enough to take my dog on long walks in the park. I’ve indulged in my love of curling up next to a sunny window with a good book and a cat purring on my lap.
I have so much gratitude for all of the amazing people in my life who have boosted my spirits with visits, loaned books and DVDs, positive emails, massages, haircuts, meals, puzzles, dog walks, and being a sounding board for all of my emotions. I may not be able to walk YET, but I am still a very lucky girl.
Ponytail Up 